So “calm” is actually a pretty relative term in this case. Plus, I’m not actually that calm. I’ve entered depression mode. Tomorrow marks my first full week back to full-time since re-entering the work force after my maternity leave. I was very fortunate to be able to take off five whole months of maternity leave (granted only 8 weeks was paid). We’ll save the whole parental leave discussion for another post. I have enough thoughts on that one to fill a book.
After I went back to work, I was only part time. I was in the office only three days a week, Tuesdays through Thursdays. Which meant I had four day weekends, every week. It was glorious and I was definitely spoiled. I had the best of both worlds, so to speak. I got to enjoy time with my stay-at-home mommy friends while still having my career. Then about six months later I added another day, which I mostly worked from home. So technically, I was still at home for four day weekends (I at least didn’t have to leave to go to the office). So now, one year after returning to work, my husband and I decided it was time to go back full time. Really, he said he wanted nothing to do with the decision because it was me who would be working, not him. However, since he’s the one who stays with our son while I’m at work I still wanted his opinion. So we decided. Full-time it is.
This weekend was a pretty busy weekend for my family. My sister got engaged, so we have had family activities pretty much the whole weekend. So today when having our family breakfast, my sister was complaining about going back to work and how she hates Mondays. As I was about to make fun of her and rub it in that I get to relax at home (again, “relax” is relative considering I have toddler running around), it hit me. I wasn’t actually going to be at home at all. I had work too! Well, damn. So naturally, my brain started working in overtime. “What is the menu this week for the kids? Do I need to go grocery shopping before the week to have everything prepared? Are the kids clothes all washed for this week? Do we have everything they need for lunches? I should probably clean the house too so I don’t have to stress this week cleaning up after work. What meals can I prep today to make it easier and quicker for dinner after work?” These were just some of the thoughts that ran through my head in the span of about a minute. My husband saw the expressions running across my face and knew what was coming. He saw me go from happy, to sad, to what he calls my “wheels turning” face (me overthinking), to resigned.
So being the great husband that he is, he kept reassuring me that it would be fine and I’ve worked full time pretty much my whole career. Telling me not to worry, he has everything handled. Don’t overthink anything because we will work it all out together. And he did somewhat calm me down. Now it’s just a matter of sucking it up and going back. Yes, I’ll miss those extra days with my son. Yes, it’s going to suck being back in the office five days a week. Yes, it’s definitely going to be a challenging dealing with the kids and school and a toddler and my husbands work schedule and my work schedule. But, I know we can handle it. I try to stay positive, to be thankful for the opportunity of even being able to work part time for as long as I did. Be thankful for the extra time I got with our son. But now it’s time to tackle this whole full time gig with kids. I know that just like everything else in our lives, as long as my husband and I stick together we can get through anything. Because also like everything else, our biggest stress is each other when we run into miscommunication issues or inadvertently work against each other. So, wish me luck! Time to get back to prepping and cleaning before the hurricane, I mean toddler, wakes up.